I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Randomize
