i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
