If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
