Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
