please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
