I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
