She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
