I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
