I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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