its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
