One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
