You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
