I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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