i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
