There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
