U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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