When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
