does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
