it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
