real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
