put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
