if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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