Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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