he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
