Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
