I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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