He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize