it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
