I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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