I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
