Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I want a musical about memes.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
