I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
