Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
