I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
