She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
