do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
