saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
