Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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