My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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