If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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