I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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