oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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