I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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