I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Who died my cat blue again?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
