He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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