Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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