It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
