I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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