FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think I just sharted jello shots
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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