drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
