THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
