I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
