he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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