Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
