what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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