just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
