Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
