She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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