I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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