Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
