so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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