somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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