her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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