I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
