dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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