You just made me feel so damn special
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
