So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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