Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
a search helicopter?!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
