dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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