it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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