Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
