good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
